So I've wanted to write this for the past few weeks, but just have never figured out how to exactly write it. My life has completed changed in the last 2 weeks. I have never felt more depressed and sad than I have recently. I am absolutely broken inside. To catch everyone up on what's been happening, my grandfather suddenly passed away, and long story short, my mom has now moved two hours away to live with my grandma for who knows how long. This isn't intended to come across as a way for people to feel sorry for us, I just wanted to share what's been on my heart and what God has been teaching me through one of the hardest times of my life.
"But God" has been in my vocabulary quite frequently. To be completely honest, when I found out my grandfather had had a stroke and was probably not going to live, I was mad at God. I didn't understand why He would allow this to happen because my grandma was dependent on my grandpa; she can't function on her own. My most used line that week was, "But God, this isn't a part of the plan". No, it wasn't a part of my measly, selfish plan. But somehow it connects with God's plan. "But God" kept coming back into my thoughts. But God, how could you just take him away like that? But God, why aren't you healing our broken hearts? But God, why is my life drastically changing? Why can't everything go back to how it was?
I'm not sure when He started working and changing my mind. Instead of "but God why..." and questioning his divine plan for our family, my mindset changed to "but God has a plan for this; but God is bigger than this; but God still loves me". God has not left us during this storm. He has been with us and provided for us every single time prior, so why would He choose to forget about us now. Yeah, maybe I still don't understand, but God doesn't say I have to understand. I just have to trust in Him. I've learned a lot about love while going through this. His love is so incredibly great for us that even though we may be hurting and frustrated, He has never dropped us from His hands. Though I feel alone and like everything around me is going 1,000 miles an hour, He is carrying me. This is just a valley I have to go through in order to grow. I wanted to share some verses that truly encompass the greatness of "but God".
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God. Jonah 2:6
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20
But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded. Genesis 8:1
Lots of love and prayers,
Nat
"But God" has been in my vocabulary quite frequently. To be completely honest, when I found out my grandfather had had a stroke and was probably not going to live, I was mad at God. I didn't understand why He would allow this to happen because my grandma was dependent on my grandpa; she can't function on her own. My most used line that week was, "But God, this isn't a part of the plan". No, it wasn't a part of my measly, selfish plan. But somehow it connects with God's plan. "But God" kept coming back into my thoughts. But God, how could you just take him away like that? But God, why aren't you healing our broken hearts? But God, why is my life drastically changing? Why can't everything go back to how it was?
I'm not sure when He started working and changing my mind. Instead of "but God why..." and questioning his divine plan for our family, my mindset changed to "but God has a plan for this; but God is bigger than this; but God still loves me". God has not left us during this storm. He has been with us and provided for us every single time prior, so why would He choose to forget about us now. Yeah, maybe I still don't understand, but God doesn't say I have to understand. I just have to trust in Him. I've learned a lot about love while going through this. His love is so incredibly great for us that even though we may be hurting and frustrated, He has never dropped us from His hands. Though I feel alone and like everything around me is going 1,000 miles an hour, He is carrying me. This is just a valley I have to go through in order to grow. I wanted to share some verses that truly encompass the greatness of "but God".
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God. Jonah 2:6
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20
But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded. Genesis 8:1
Lots of love and prayers,
Nat
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